Friday, 27 February 2009

10 Reasons Why US Troops Should Stay in Iraq

1. IT'S PRETTY MUCH OUR COUNTRY NOW, ISN'T IT?
Okay, okay, so Barack Obama wants to pull all the troops out of Iraq by the end of 2011. That's great for him, but my question is this: Why does he need to? We've been in Iraq now for 6 years! Can't we just claim it as our own country already? It only makes sense when you think about it. We'd never have to offshore our jobs to the Middle East again.

2. WE NEED TO KEEP THE TROOPS IN IRAQ UNTIL THEY ARE READY TO ENTER IRAN
You see, some people are just incapable of thinking long term. In the grand scheme of things, it's better to keep US troops in Iraq just so they'll be ready to enter into combat operations in Iran. I mean, doesn't it seem pointless bringing them all the way back home only to deploy them back onto the streets of Tehran a month later? Yeah, that's what I thought.

3. THE IRAQI PEOPLE DON'T WANT US TO LEAVE
Is anyone actually thinking about what the Iraqi people want? Plain and simple, they want American troops to stay! If we pull the troops out of Iraq, lasting peace will begin to spread across every region and every city, and the Iraqi people are not ready for that yet. I mean, imagine if another country came and altered our normal way of life. We'd be hella pissed off. No, we must respect Iraqi tradition and culture and allow tyranny and chaos to reign on.

4. WE ARE WINNING THE WAR
This is by far the biggest reason to stay: we're so close to winning the war against whoever the hell it is we're fighting, that withdrawing now would be such an unecessary admission of defeat. We ought to fight on, defeat the enemy and then move onto Iran.

5. LEAVING IS WHAT SADDAM WOULD HAVE WANTED US TO DO
If we leave Iraq now, we would most certainly turn Saddam Hussein into a martyr. After all, he didn't want us in Iraq in the first place, and so leaving would grant the dying wish of this brutal dictator. For this reason alone, our troops should stay in Iraq forever and ensure that no tyrannical regime is ever again allowed to rise into power. We might even want to appoint an authoritative figure of our own, just to see that this remains the case.

6. IRAQ COULD BECOME A BREEDING GROUND FOR TOURISTS
If we pull out of Iraq, then the city of Baghdad might end up becoming a breeding ground for tourists. I mean just look at how many holiday goers are attracted to Hanoy (Vietnam) each year. Tourists are a danger to our way of life and, if I had it my way, they'd all be sent on a tour of Guantanamo.

7. BRINGING THE TROOPS HOME WILL BE EXPENSIVE
Seemingly no one has considered this, but bringing the troops home will cost a shitload in air fare. 150,000 men and women travelling to the US from the Middle East (in first class, let's face it), at around $1,800 per person, is gonna cost this country around $270 million. Now I know what you're going to say: but it's costing us more to keep them there. True, but at least we're getting more for our money!

8. SEPTEMBER 11
We must never forget what happened on the morning of September 11, 2001. Three thousand Americans lost their lives that day, and it would be an insult to their memories if we pulled out of Iraq now. But what has 9/11 got to do with Iraq? Did you really just ask that? Have you all forgotten that Mohammed Atta (one of the nineteen hijackers) is slightly suspected of having maybe met with a possible Iraqi consulate in the city of Prague prior to 9/11. Allegedly.

9. DICK CHENEY THINKS WE SHOULD STAY

Look people, if you're still not convinced by the previous 8 reasons then nothing can top this one: Dick Cheney thinks it would be a really bad idea for us to leave Iraq! This guy knows what he's talking about. He and Rumsfeld were the geniuses behind the entire invasion in the first place, and so, just as Americans try to do right by our Founding Fathers, so should Iraqis by their's.


10. AN ANAGRAM... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION = US TEAM SWOOPS, FINDS NO TRACE.
But just because we didn't find WMDs doesn't mean the war wasn't justified. After all, we ousted Saddam Hussein, forced the country to embrace democracy and taught one or two Americans how to find the Middle East on a map.

1 comment:

matth1990 said...

Im doing research on if we should stay or leave Iraq.....and this is by far the worst article. It is more expensive to keep soldiers their than to have them come home. Why would this article ever come up in my google search. Its terrible. Number 9 Dick Cheney thinks we should stay LMFAO. WOW

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